A Plenitude Of Pears & Perplexity Of Carers

Perfect pears celebrate autumn’s approach

Of Happy Bees & Fruitful Trees

Our little neighborhood is kind of a hidden gem, surprisingly peaceful and sunny despite being tucked away behind tall apartments. Small as our lots are, quite a few boast dwarf fruit trees that produce a remarkable amount in a good year. This has been a bit mixed in terms of fruit; some trees are loaded, others hardly have any fruit. Depending on when they bloomed, the cold winds may have blown away the blossoms before the bees could get to them. In some cases, icy sleet kept sensible bees in their snug nests and fertilization never occurred. Wherever happy bees found nectar and pollen last spring, we are now harvesting fruit. The ever-changing odds make it even more delightful when our little local trees have a bumper crop, especially because sharing the bounty is part of the neighborhood ethos, so we all benefit from the good fortune.

Our usually heavy bearing local plum tree wasn’t especially fruitful this year, but because nobody else was picking them, I was able to gather and distribute the best of them before the raccoons moved in to clean up. In my kitchen, a dozen turned into plum vinegar and another dozen, split and stoned, went into the freezer for a holiday plum tart. Now it’s time for pears, and that’s cause for rejoicing, since our neighbor’s Clapp’s Favorite pears are just plain fabulous. A heritage variety dating back to the 1800s, this is a succulent variety I remember fondly from my Massachusetts childhood, when local farm stands sold them each fall, along with apples and pumpkins and winter squash. Each luscious yellow pear has one rosy cheek and offers crisp yet juicy sweet-tart fruit that’s perfect for eating fresh. Like most pears, they’re best harvested before they ripen fully, which they readily do in my kitchen.

Perfect Pear Treats

Fresh, ripe pears are so delicious that we usually enjoy them as is, but a few recipes are part of welcoming autumn around here, among them this simple pear clafoutis. Though the ingredients are similar to a crispy Dutch baby, clafoutis has a tender, almost custardy texture that cradles fresh fruit like a warm, soft blanket. Clafoutis will slowly puff up and get golden brown but don’t up the heat if it’s not browning quickly, and don’t overcook it or it can get a little rubbery; 35-40 minutes tops!

Pear Clafoutis

3 large eggs
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract (or 1/2 almond if you prefer)
1 cup milk (whole or 2% but not skim)
2 tbsp melted butter OR avocado oil
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 ripe pear, halved, cored and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon chopped candied ginger (optional)

Preheat oven to 325 F. Blend eggs, sugar and vanilla well, then stir in milk and butter or oil, then add flour and mix well. Pour into a cast iron frying pan (my favorite) or a glass pie pan and arrange pear slices on top, scattering ginger bits if using. Bake at 325 F for 35-40 minutes. Enjoy it while it’s hot. Serves at least one.

On The Home Front

As the weeks whirl by (or crawl, depending), I’m remembering how lonely long term caregiving can be. Initially there’s often a rush of kind and sincere offers to help, some vague, some specific, but as time rolls on, people get busy and move on. As your personal situation gets displaced by so many others, there can be what feels like a kind of impatience from some early supporters if you continue to reply that things are rough, as if you’ve had your turn and now it’s time to get over it (whatever your ‘it’ may be). That’s very understandable, especially given the rate at which dire things are happening these days, particularly to those in my age cohort and older. However, with fewer and fewer folks willing to listen to what must sound like the same old same old, it can feel like there’s nowhere to go with our ongoing sorrow and weariness, and that’s the part that can feel lonely. I’m even hearing the same experience from caregiving friends involved in traditionally supportive faith communities; seems like everyone’s so stressed out that there’s little extra empathy left.

I have to chuckle and shake my head when I remember my mom telling me it was time to get over it two weeks after my husband died suddenly, because she wanted me to take her to the grocery store instead of the pleasant and kind volunteer I’d lined up for her. It’s only kinda-sorta funny, but I think much of her generation (she’d have turned 100 this summer) was brought up to button it up and march on, pretty much no matter what. I can understand that too, as it eventually gets tiresome both to hear about other’s travails and to recite our own. But after two weeks? That’s a pretty brief allowance for a pretty major grief. However, the deeper lesson may be that externalizing our comfort source and looking to others to provide it isn’t ultimately as effective as learning to find lasting and ever-present comfort from our own inner teacher or guiding light.

Listening To The Light

Call it what you will, I believe that everyone has what the Quakers call ‘the still, small voice within’; a calm knowing that may present in words or images or feelings or all or none of the above. For me at least, the key is shutting up long enough to hear it. In her beautiful, powerful book, Sacred Instructions, Penobscot Elder Sherri Mitchell tells a great story about bringing a spiritual teacher to tears of helpless laughter as Sherri described her own increasingly desperate, passionate pleas to hear that inner voice to the teacher. She says, “When she was done laughing, she told me, ‘You have to stop asking and be quiet if you want an answer’.” That still makes me smile because it’s so close to home for me. Surely it’s all about finding just the right words, right? Or maybe it’s about finding just the right silence? Onward, right?

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Dazzling Dahlias

Dahlias that match my cat and my dinner

Easy Beauty For Weary Gardeners

After a cold dry spring, the warm summery weather we’ve been getting is very welcome. Sunny day after sunny day, it definitely has that endless summer quality, and the kids are thrilled to be able to go to the beach and swim in our cool coastal waters and not turn blue. However, without those cool, grey marine layer mornings to keep things damp, many of our English Border perennials are drying out fast, despite daily watering. In contrast, the sun lovers, annuals and perennials, are basking happily, drinking in sunlight as if it were water. My zinnias just keep producing bud after bud, and the charming little Lemon Drop Evening Primroses tumble in silvery-green cascades studded with endless golden blossoms. There’s a charming pink one too, from Mexico, but it rarely returns to my garden after a cold winter.

Among the best of the sun lovers are dahlias, tough, enduring and gorgeous. Dahlias come in so many tints and tones these days that you can choose them in almost any color but blue. Last week I visited a nearby dahlia farm with a Senior Center group and we explored fields of flowers in full, triumphant bloom. The farmer told us she had started out with 100 different varieties and now grows at least twice that many, in every size and shade and hue imaginable, from lacy white to deepest red-black. I picked an assortment that called my name and was tickled to find when I got home that I had created an arrangement that perfectly blended with both my cat and the beautiful ripe nectarine I was getting ready to chop up (add a little yogurt and some nut-rich homemade granola and you have the perfect summer no-cook meal).

Grow Your Own, The Lazy Way

Like tomatoes, dahlias like full sun and adequate water but not soggy feet or drenched foliage. My farmer friend dutifully digs up several fields full of tubers each year because they regularly flood in winter, when water tables are high. The largest field stands higher and never gets sodden, and there they only lift the plants every other year, and mostly because they sell tubers in spring as well as flowers in summer. At the local library, where I’ve been gardening with the Friday Tidies for nearly 30 years, we’ve got dahlias that have never been lifted in years, and they bloom as strongly as ever, providing plenty of cut flowers for our beloved librarians as well as casual passersby. People just can’t resist helping themselves and that’s fine with us, since the more you pick, the more buds the plants produce.

Similarly, at the Senior Center, half a dozen dahlia plants have braved freezing winter temperatures as well as sweltering sun and reflected heat off the parking lot for several years and they, too, bloom abundantly all summer. This year, they really stood up to the test, as I’ve been too busy (and overwhelmed) to do much watering and my most faithful (and fun) helper has been traveling (and broke her hand on her last trip), so the dahlias have had to manage on their own. They’ve done amazingly well with only a handful of organic fertilizer scratched in in May and a few inches of wood chips for mulch to lock in whatever moisture the dew might offer. You’ve got to love a plant that’s so giving and needs so little in return.

Granny Granola

1/4 cup avocado oil
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/4 cup honey or maple syrup
1 teaspoon each cinnamon, coriander, and ginger
1/4 teaspoon cardamom
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup each walnuts, pecans and peanuts
6-7 cups rolled oats

Combine oils, sweetener and spices in a bowl and blend well. Stir in vanilla and nuts, then add oats, stirring often to coat generously. Spread the mixture into a rimmed baking sheet and smooth it out to the edges. Bake at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes and cool if you like softer granola, or stir the mixture and bake for another 10 minutes if you prefer crunchy granola. Cool and store in a glass container. Makes about 2-1/2 quarts.

Posted in Annual Color, Care & Feeding, Climate Change, Drainage, Easy Care Perennials, Planting & Transplanting, Recipes, Vegan Recipes | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Celebrating Lammas

Bounty by the bowlful on Lammas

An Ancient Harvest Day

As local gardens brim over and fresh produce is everywhere I look, I’m thinking about the ancient tradition of Lammas. Halfway between the Summer Solstice and the Autumn Equinox, Lammas marked the beginning of the harvest that would tide people over through the winter. It seems strange to think about winter in August, but my daughter and I are looking forward to winter as never before, hoping it will mark a time of healing and a return to wholeness for both of us. Next week we will go to Seattle for tests to determine whether my daughter can be safely sewn back together, eliminating the need for the ostomy bag. Though another surgery will of course require another time of healing and recover, it will almost certainly be far less fraught than the last one. By now, we both feel like we have the skills to meet whatever the normal consequences of such a surgery might require.

It’s oddly disconcerting to consider what a future without pain and awkward, frequent inconvenience might look like for my daughter. She’ll once again be able to navigate things she had lost the ability to handle over the long years of illness, as we both saw with great pleasure over her recent recovery. The horrible setback of recent weeks has not been pleasant but it has shown us that we work well together even under duress and that she has not been held back by it in any but physical ways. She is thinking deeply about her future in ways she hasn’t bothered to for a long time, since she wasn’t so sure she would actually have one. Now she knows she will, she wants to shape her life differently, and that will take some new thinking.

Choosing What’s Next

Looking ahead this way, I’m realizing that I too will have some re-thinking to do while transitioning from being a caregiver to simply being in charge of my own life again. I remember after my parents and my husband had all died, I would suddenly feel uneasy at times, with a mild panic, as if I had left my purse at home. Without the constant anchor of being needed, I felt weirdly untethered. This time, I’m looking forward to being able to do more of what I want to do, from gardening and singing to knitting and sewing and finally making that quilt I’ve been planning for years. Ok, decades. Heaven knows I’ve got enough fabulous fabric in my stash to make ten quilts. Hmmm, now there’s an idea…

In recent conversations with a young(er) friend, I was reminded of an intriguing practice. Whenever we come to the end of a chapter, before we walk into the next one, it’s valuable to choose a theme for whatever comes next. Last time I did this, almost ten years ago now, I chose satisfaction and contentment, things I had not experienced much of. That combination was actually quite pleasant to work towards and I succeeded in becoming far more comfortable with both those sensations. After a day or two, my friend reported back that she has chosen to guide her next chapter through connection and balance. I love that combination, and though I feel pretty solid on the connection part, balance is definitely a concept to live into. To partner it, I’m thinking about harmony. Or maybe kindness. Hmmm again.

Onward Indeed

My underlying goal is to open up my life again without falling back into hyper-responsibility. Since childhood, I’ve tended to accumulate responsibilities, accepting a new set of tasks even before I’ve finished whatever I’ve been working on at the moment. It becomes a never-ending cycle of must-do work without a lot of space for want-to activities. Obviously it worked for me or I wouldn’t have kept on doing it for so long.

Now, however, something has changed within me. Getting to NO and staying there is easier than ever, especially with the unarguable reason; I’m a full time caregiver. When I’m not that anymore, I want to hang on to that inner permission to NOT do things just because I don’t want to do them. Why not give someone else a turn? On some level, I think I’ve been trying to earn the air I breathe. It will be good to learn to breathe for free. Right? Onward!

Posted in Care & Feeding, fall/winter crops, Health & Wellbeing, Nutrition, Sustainable Gardening, Sustainable Living | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Natural Magic

Finding magic is a garden gift

In Search Of Gratitude

This morning, the sky is grey, the air is full of gentle, misty drizzle and I am grateful. As I walked around town doing errands, I overheard people grousing about the weather (“It’s ruining my holiday!”) and thought, oh sister, in global terms, this is Eden. The PNW has the best climate on the planet these days and I for one am deeply appreciative. In my neck of the woods, we are running dry early after a very dry winter and spring. Since January 1, we’ve only had two days with more than an inch of rain, and we’re getting wildfire readiness alerts about a month ahead of usual. So far, we’ve been very fortunate to be smoke free when so many other places are burning. It’s likely only a matter of time before it’s our turn to experience the hell of horrible air quality again so I’m being consciously grateful for every clear day.

I’ve been practicing gratitude a lot lately, especially after a chat with my wonderful (young!) new doctor. Doctor Tzou is a skilled listener and an acute observer and I can’t get away with returning equivocal answers to questions like, “how anxious would you say you are these days?” We had a good conversation about anxiety and stress and she gently suggested that I keep daily notes about mood and feelings and what triggers anxiety. Oh ugh. But yes, so fine. Not too surprisingly, my daughter’s suffering is right up there; she’s been changing from a powerful, effective medication that isn’t safe for long term use to a biological one that will hopefully control her psoriasis longer term. She was warned that there might be a gap in protection during the shift and sure enough, just as her skin had almost entirely cleared up, the painful rash and peeling blisters surged back. When it reached her torso, sometimes the skin has been peeling so fast that the ostomy bag falls off, skin and all.

Finding Inner Gratitude Outside

It’s not easy to find peace and gratitude in these difficult times, especially when someone in your daily life is experiencing acute pain and grief. The most effective way I’ve found to keep from sliding down the slippery path to sorrowful despair is by going outside. I learned this a long time ago and I’m grateful(!) that I haven’t totally forgotten the lesson. Many years ago, my dear Jungian therapist pointed out that I am very skillful with catastrophic expectations. He challenged me to stop myself when I start dreaming into trouble and instead, dream up three (!) anastrophic possible outcomes. That was SO HARD and it really took a lot of work but eventually I got the hang of it. However, as life events crowded around again I slipped back into my lifelong, unhealthy habit until my AlAnon sponsor called out my remarkable talent for dreaming up disasters. Martha said, “You are PRACTICING being negative and you don’t need the practice, so stop it right now. I want you to come up with ten things you are grateful for every day. Ten times a day, and all different!”

Ack! But ok. I dutifully started noting down ten things I was grateful for, ten times a day. To do it, I soon realized that I had to go outside, in more ways than one. As long as I stayed in my head, it was impossible to see past my own well trained scenarios of doom and failure. As long as I stayed in my house, at my desk, in my room, my disaster dreaming snuck into everything I did. When I went outside and actively paid attention to anything that wasn’t ME, everything changed. I could hear birds, bees, frogs, and wind in the trees. I could see flowers, birds, cats, small dogs, children, awesome clouds, the moon, rain sparkling on leaves and in spiderwebs.

Oh, Woops But Thank You

Back then, I carried file cards in my purse and pocket and car to capture ideas and thoughts for my writing work, so every day I took ten cards with me and ten times a day, I found ten things that I could truly feel grateful for. All different, right? Given my state of anxious depression, that took some doing but nature and gardens have magical healing powers that can comfort even the grumpiest grump. When I met with Martha a week later, I proudly handed her my stack of cards with 700 gratitudes, all different. She looked astounded and said, “Oh, woops, I just meant ten a day.”

It still makes me smile when I remember the stricken look on her face but over time, it became obvious that doing the work so intensely over that week had actually created a new neural pathway in my brain. That was well over 20 years ago and I can’t say that I don’t still slip into doom-gloom because I do. However, I’m much better at catching myself and I still lean into the file card system if I need to. And even as I watch my daughter struggling just to be in this weary world, I also see my grandkids and other kids making imaginative use of natural materials, in the garden, in the woods, at the beach. They know how to access that natural magic without being told and the products of their pleasure can ease the hearts of everyone who passes by. Onward, right?

Posted in Birds In The Garden, Care & Feeding, Climate Change, Crafting With Children, Gardening With Children, Health & Wellbeing, Sustainable Gardening, Sustainable Living, Teaching Gardening | Tagged , | 6 Comments